Poor, poor Poison.Īnother fantastic video, with Slash playing a bunch of 18-minute guitar solos on top of a cliff. Perhaps the funniest video ever, where the band tries to make us feel sorry for them by showing how hard it is to be rock stars. The Top 5 Heavy-Metal Power Ballads of All Time Then again, seeing how every single seat in my theater was occupied, and that Ice Age: The Meltdown made approximately a gazillion dollars in its opening weekend, maybe it’s just me.
There was a time when pretty much every CGI movie not titled Shark Tale was a must-see for all ages. (Wasn’t the first Garfield basically considered, like, the Battlefield Earth of kids’ films, minus the dreadlocked aliens?) Look, I’m not expecting freakin’ Fellini here, but this is a pretty sad slate of films. Honestly, I have no clue what this new one is about because I was too flabbergasted at its mere existence. Up third was another CGI animal - this time, in a trailer for a Garfield sequel.
Then the son is taken away from the zoo in a big truck and the daddy must go on a journey to find and save him (now think Finding Nemo). At the heart of the story is a father lion and his son (now think Lion King). Next up was another CGI-fest called The Wild, which centered around (once again) a bunch of animals, this time in a zoo (think Madagascar). First up was some CGI entry called Over the Hedge, which involved a bunch of animals who, yes, decide to take a journey for some reason that I couldn’t understand because the preview was basically just a bunch of shouting and blaring music. Underscoring this point: the first three previews I had to sit through before The Meltdown began. However, the playbook has just gotten played out. But for a while, these CGI entries were the most inventive things going. I know, I know, these are kids movies - I shouldn’t expect so much. Oh yeah, and the characters that annoy each other the most always end up becoming best friends. Along the way, the characters encounter excessive flatulence and numerous pop-culture references, as well as a collection of insanely kooky sidekicks. Seriously, they all involve a group of animals (or animal-looking toys or monsters) on a journey of some sort, either to rescue someone who has left or been captured ( Finding Nemo, Shrek, Toy Story 1 & 2, Madagascar) or to return some damn baby to its rightful owner ( Monsters Inc., Ice Age). It took me a few years (I’m a little slow), but I finally realized that all of these movies are identical. Or maybe it was because it is the exact same movie as the first Ice Age, and practically every other CGI kids’ film ever made. Maybe it was because there was an extended discussion about woolly-mammoth sex (try explaining that to a kindergartner). Now, I actually kinda liked the first Ice Age, but I gotta tell you, this new one just didn’t do it for me. The movie in question was Ice Age: The Meltdown (or, the movie formerly known as Ice Age 2). Speaking of being a glutton for punishment: I took my 5-year-old son, Dale, to a birthday movie party this weekend.